Three things that slipped through my fingers, which are gone forever

This post is dedicated to my first very special person. I can’t tell things that I want to tell him directly or indirectly. So I am not going to say anything to him. Instead I am going to tell everything to you. By that I am saying everything without telling him anything. You will never know who he is. But if he ever gets to read this he will know right away this is for him. The thing I wanted tell him and couldn’t tell him, things that never happens and always wished to happen all those things I will tell you. Girls are like ice cream bars he would say. Yes he had lot of experience with girls. But I was the only one who could sit under his shadow. You may think I am fooling myself. But if you look deep within his heart you will see me reflected on him. We are both alike whatever we told ourselves. And those similarities of ourselves are pushing us far away from each other. its like same from same magnet end and two similar magnet fields will not attract together. That must be the one of the reasons that we couldn’t be together.

I was walking to the shop. I needed some thing to buy urgently. I don’t like walking alone. I always wanted to walk with someone by my side. I always wanted someone special in my side with the every step I took. It was then he suddenly appear before me. In my unconscious mind I wished him to come by my side. I wanted him to accompany me to the shop. Once in my life to be felt that there is someone by my side. He doesn’t smile much. But when he smiles, its like thousand blue tulips blossoms. You can see through to his soul through his smile. He smiled at me with that smile. I was mesmerized. But I shook off the shock and collect myself before he gets close. I was myself when he reached me. Where are you going? He asked me.

I stated the purpose of my trip.

Shall I come with you? The words that I waited so long to hear, he is saying them. I so wanted tell him yes. Yes, yes please do walk with me.

No, I’ll be fine. Instead I told him. He was little bit disappointed. I saw that with his failing smile. But he had no idea how disappointed I was with me. My life just slipped through my fingers.

There are lot of explanation I could give to justify my actions. But I will not. Because now I know that it doesn’t matter anymore. They say that there are three things in life once gone that never come back. One is time (the time that I could spend with him) second is words (the word uttered “no” as my answer could never be replaced by yes which I wanted to say) and third is opportunity (the opportunity to get you know better) I let them all slip away in a fraction of time. And they never came back as well. That moment was lost forever.

And now not to fade away from my memory and his memory I as going to save that moment in this post. It will be preserve with these words and all your minds, so finally I could do some justice for that moment.

First letter for my love

To my love,

Hi, how are you doing? I know however u feels, u will just say that u r ok. So I really need not to ask that question. But I never failed to ask it as well. Can u remember? Its being long time and I thought even if u doesn’t need to know anything about me I will tell something how I am doing. Coz in reality I know that u don’t give a sh** about me. Yet I always wish u do. So in my own imaginary world I pretend that u does care. That relieves me. So telling about me, I am not doing well. My self confidence is so low after my graduation. My family does not do anything to understand or develop it. But rather they pressure me with their own dreams. I need time to make up my mind and pick up with my life. They don’t give me the space I require.

On the other hand I miss u like hell. I can’t stop thinking about u. even amidst of the worst adversity I think about u. I know that u will never ever come to me again. Everything in my life confirms this. I also decided to marry and have a happy family. I am thinking about falling in love again. But deep within my heart I know that I am not over u. don’t hate me much for being jerk. Forgive me for what I did. I wish to correct my mistake. But I know that doesn’t have any meaning for u anymore. But sometimes I feel like just come looking for u. Just to turn whole world around and be with u. Go against every habitual principle that society has impose on us so that I could be with u. I will just be happy being with u.

And I want u to love me also. I know that I have mistakes. But I will stay with u against whole world if u just loves me. I will never ever abandon u. after all these years I still fail to think bad of u. How much however u avoid me, how much however u go behind other girls, my heart still remain faithful to u. I didn’t come close to u in the first place because knowing that our relationship will not work I didn’t wanted to use u. I have told u this before. Other hand now I’m not coming close to u because I don’t want u to take advantage of me. I want to love u and in turn earn ur love. I might be living in a dream world wishing impossible, but this is my reality.

I am unable to make promises for the future. Because I don’t know what will I feel in future. But I can assure u that all these time till I have been faithful to u. so I am writing this letter with my love that is as unlimited as sky, and as deep as ocean for u and just for u, just to give a glimpse of my heart.


With all my love,
Ur girl