Walk among the thorny road of Roses

Oh it has been almost two months after he left me. Lot happened during the time. One day he send me a text saying that he is going to start a new relationship with another girl. That I expected from the time when I felt like he was going away from me. However I was glad he could not see my tears. Because I make sure to show him the bravest part of me. I said that I hate him and I never had Loved him and was glad that he went away. (Because I felt like I have been badly used by him specially when he scold me saying that the breakup was my fault) Yes, I pretended that I don't care for him and I never actually liked him. (hehe, Only myself know the truth) I was brutal in declaring my stand. I once send a message just saying "I HATE YOU". Poor darling, What must have he felt?
Ok, I'll type exactly what I sent to him.

"First u better stop playing with me. I said not to call but u keep calling me. Truth is I no longer like to to hear u or see u. So keep away from me. I will smile if u keep away from me. I shud have done that when you first ask me. U insulted our friendship. But I kept quite. That was my first mistake. Then i force myself to like u. hv u ever tried to like someone who is not special one in ur life? Try that one and u'll know what I went thru. It was all because I wanted to do the Justice I thought u had for me. And when I sincerely Liked u, u threw me away. ok. Thats also fine. I only ask u to leave me alone. U took advantage of our frndship n deceived m. At least now dnt u think i deserve a break. I really dnt care anymore. Dnt come to me to release ur guilty feelings, u have towards me coz Im never gng to forgive u. i will remember what u did to me till my last breath and even after that."

Gosh, now I reread it I feel terrible. That was monstrous of me. How shud have he felt? However by then also he knew that he was not in a position to reveal the truth. Truth that he hide from me. Not long after that I returned everything he gifted me except for two things. I don't know whether he took a look on the things I've returned. If he did then he would have realised that I haven't returned two things. His first and one of his last gifts I didn't returned purposefully. May be that would be another story in this blog.

Anyway I was heartless person towards him. Truely I sometimes lack sensitivity and become too much honest expressing my opinion. But that can't be compared in hurting a person purposefully. Specially your most loved one.

But finally I received the text I expected.
He has a girl friend. Not me. Some other person.
So normally I should be upset. No, I wasn't upset. I was relieved. I felt like I was bit more close to him now that he was honest with me. I thought I would even could let go of him now that he have a girlfriend. Not me.

Every morning and night I thought how did he survived not hearing my voice, coz I felt like suffocating not to hear his voice. I thought how he survive without one message from me, coz I kept looking at my phone expecting one message of normal greeting from him whole day long.

Was there a one minute that I didn't think of him? No there wasn't. I knew that there was something he kept away from me. So finally I got my answer. He got another girl friend. Wow. The person who swear that he won't leave me had left me already and even started a new life. I was waiting at the end of the road he had left me hoping that he would return. Ya, under all those brutal words, I hoped that he would returned to me.

I promised myself I would give everything he would want, if only he returned to me. I would love him with m every breath, with my life. I would change the whole world for him. I would listen to any insult that world would throw at me for him. I wouldn't complain. I wouldn't cry. I would fight with the whole world and win it for him. There wasn't anything I wouldn't give for him. But it was too late. I fall in love late. He had already left and there wasn't anyone to listen to my heart.

I didn't know what to do with my love. And this makes me angry at all the time. I got angry with everyone and everything. So my love was also subjected to my anger. However when I get to know that he had a girlfriend my anger subsided. I felt like without closing me from his world he accepted me in to it. May be that's all I always wanted. I was nobody to him anymore. But I found comfort knowing yet another piece of information about him. The most painful information should it be. Ya it was painful later. That's for another story. But I was relieved to know that he haven't shut me up from his world.

Now looking at my heart, after one month I get to know he has started another relationship throwing my love away like it was nothing but a bit of garbage I must admit I love him more than a two months back. Of course he doesn't call me. Nor he text me. Nor we meet each other. But my heart beat for him every second. Every step I take I feel like he is with me. Yes, I feel lonely sometimes. But that is because he isn't with me. That is also part of my love. But best thing of the love that I have towards him is going to be the next story of my blog.

I still cry for his love. The way I feel him now, I know that I love him with my everything even I can't have him. I don't have the doubts I had before. I feel so free. But I purposely keep away from him because I know that is the right thing to do.