A whole day has passed with my decision, to go away from him. He only talked me once in the morning to make a travel plan. I don't know whether I expect him to call again yet I kept looking at the phone and was always having my attention on the phone. It seems like I always waiting for a never coming phone call. I can remember even I before fallen in love with him I kept on looking for a phone call from ... (I don't know from whom.) Even when I knew that there is no one to call me I kept waiting. When I fall in love with him and when he promised me that he won't leave me, I knew that there is someone to call me and waited for his call. And I'm so thankful to him becoz he never kept me waiting. He always called me when he can. And today first time I know that even if he can he won't call me. How much however I waited he won't call me. And that fact make my heart burn with the pain. But my mind says it's for the better for if he keeps on calling it would take more time to make up my mind. Anyway I was wondering whether even he remembered me once during the day. Becoz I can't find a moment that I forgot him during the day.
He once said that I'm his breath, his life. And now when he gone away is he still can breath? Becoz I can't. I might never told him that then in that way. But now that he has gone away it seems like he has taken my breath away with him. My life away with him. It seems like that my going away from him has not even affected him that much. And it has affected me this much. I can't sleep. I can't eat. And breathing its like breating fire. My heart keep burning and my body is at unceasing pain.
He would probably say this is my own fault. And I have to tolerate this crushing pain in my heart without a complain. But still I wonder that at least once during the day did I came to in to his mind? Did he thought about me? I don't know whether I wish that to happen or not. But it seem like without hope I still waiting for him. I wonder whether he would ever come back to me. Will I ever be able to forget this pain? Will I ever be sleep again? Will he ever call me? And if he does will there be any point without the love?
One thing is for sure. That He don't feel the same pain as mine. In one hand its frustrating in other hand it is relieving. Becoz at least my love is not suffering. That means that he would be able to forget me sooner and be happier sooner. For me at the moment I only see the most darkest and most loneliest days ahead of me. I don't know whether I would have the courage to bear this pain. And when I don't have that strength I even don't have place to turn in to. I have to think alone and make up my mind like today. I will be alone in this love forever as usual. It must be my destiny to stay alone.
Before I said goodbye I asked him what to do with the love I have for you. I'm searching for an answer for that question at the moment. I might be able to find a golden coffin, put my love in it and bury it in the silvery shady bank near a beautiful river so it can rest in peace, with my body, heart and soul. It will surely give me such a peace. But I know that is also like waiting for his phone call. Even there it is possible, it will never happen.
Baby I'm in pieces, and please fix me
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