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It is so frustrating when u hate some one that u should love. I don’t like to be forced to be think of certain way. My body can undergo any limitations. But I don’t want my mind have limitation. I want it to be open and choose whatever I like. I don’t like my mind to be controlled by anything or anyone. Because from my childhood that was the only thing that I felt like that was truly belongs to me. When adults strictly control my behaviours my mind was always free. That made everything bearable. That was so good that I had one place to escape from all the evils in life. However yesterday I broke. My limit was reached and I couldn’t bear anymore. I told what was on my mind to their faces. Giving my first love up was too much for me. And nobody did anything to ease up my pain. Once u bottle up so much of pain alone inside u, its bound to break up. I don’t understand why I should bear everything alone and help everyone as nothing has happened.

I hate my father. Its so unfortunate to hate ur own father when you should be in love with him. I hate him to the core and the worst part is that I don’t want to hate him and I am hating myself for hating him. I want to go away from that feeling rather than facing it, because facing it means that I would have to hurt him. I bore this for so long without telling anyone and keeping it inside. But I don’t want to anymore. I want to be free from this guilty feeling. I want to be free from this burden. So I can love myself for being me.

He always makes me feel like I am nothing. I cant do anything. I hate that feeling. However I tried do hard to impress him. I worked hard and I tried to fulfill his wishes. Even his unspoken wishes I understood and tried to fulfill. And I did most of the things. But in the process I was lost. I couldn’t even find myself anymore. I am in a deep deep hole where I never can even think of getting out. The darkness is everywhere. Amidst of everything I lost something so precious to me. So I really don’t see any point in my life anymore. I don’t want to search for my place in world anymore. This is my place in the world. And even if everyone is going against me I will stand on my ground and never will give up on my place. Ever.